You Deserve To Be Loved (and Other Lessons)

As a commitment to making this a year of healing, I am on a mission to learn all I can about living a happy, fulfilled and peaceful life.

Whilst I paint, I’m listening to hours and hours of podcasts, audiobooks, lectures and interviews all about psychology, mental health, productivity, creativity and self growth.

I’m going to record the most important, useful, eye opening, comforting and healing parts here on my blog. For myself as a reminder, but also for you – in the hope that I can help someone else along the way too.

1. SHARE YOUR TRUTH

I’ve read or listened to so much lately which talks on the importance of being authentic in what you share.

About your vulnerability being your biggest strength.

About the power of being unapologetically you.

But for some reason, it was this quote from an Oprah Winfrey Soul Session Podcast that really, really resonated with me.

“If you share what is within you, what is within you will save you. If you hide what is within you, what is within you will destroy you .”

I had to rewind this twice to really take it in. It was a metaphorical smack in the face.

For me, this can be applied in two ways.

In your work.

Whether this be art, writing, music, dance – in fact I think this could be applied to nearly any role, industry or hobby in some way.

The power your truth has is invaluable.

It’s what sets you apart.

It’s what makes you YOU.

No one else has your story.

In your personal life.

So many of us avoid having uncomfortable conversations or saying what we know we need to say.

Maybe we are afraid to say how we really feel about something or we have a secret we are hiding away.

But what does this usually achieve?

More pain. Less peace.

Think back to a time you finally said the thing you needed to say.

How did it feel? Usually there’s an enormous feeling of relief.

Most importantly, any problems or situations can start to be resolved.

Share your truth and take back your power.

2. FEAR IS A TRICK

This was a completely new perspective on fear that I’d never, ever considered before.

Whilst listening to a brilliant podcast ‘Big Magic’ in which Brené Brown was being interviewed, I heard the following:

“Everything you’re afraid of has already happened.”

If you stop to really think about this – it’s true.

All the things I’m personally afraid of (losing someone I love, failure, being misunderstood, not being able to keep to my word, feeling inadequate) have all happened – and guess what?

I survived. I made it through.

And I will again. And so will you.

3. YOUR BEST IDEAS WILL SCARE YOU

And they should.

Because how are they going to make an impact otherwise?

True bravery comes from a place of vulnerability.

The best ideas are going to leave you vulnerable.

So you will naturally be afraid.

You will naturally feel resistant to them.

I first watched Brené Brown’s TED talk on vulnerability 5 years ago – and I have picked up her work here and there since. It wasn’t until the end of 2017 that I began to truly understand and work through this. I’ve been bingeing on her work throughout the last week too.

Every, single time I apply this to my life I feel better for it. In my relationship, friendships and my work – vulnerability always pays off.

I’m about to publish a series of visual and written works which completely expose me – they are full of vulnerability. I’m scared. But not terrified anymore. Because I know this is what true courage looks like.

Something that helps me find that courage is the next lesson of the week…

4. BE THE PERSON YOU NEEDED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER

I’ve started to apply this to my work too.

Write the articles you needed to read.

And, most importantly:

Make the art you needed to see.

So I have to be brave – there’s no choice if I’m really going to be that person I needed.

Who did you need when you were younger?

• What sort of person would have inspired you?

• Are you doing the mini version of you justice?

• Would they be proud?

• If not, what is one thing you could start working on? Be specific. Make it measurable if you need to.

You are capable of being the best version of you.

This leads me to my final lesson.

5. YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED

More specifically you deserve to be loved by yourself.

We hear this a lot don’t we?

Self love and self care are, rightly so, being spoken about a lot lately.

At the depths of my illness, I found this incredibly difficult. And still do now.

We live in a society which is filled with the opportunity (or the temptation) to compare ourselves to others whilst simultaneously being bombarded by claims that a new product will make us feel better because we are not good enough as we are.

So it’s tough, right?

The single thing that has helped me be loving and kind to myself is this.

Find a photo of yourself as a little person.

5 years old or somewhere around then.

How would you ask someone to treat that little person? Be specific.

How would you feel if someone told that little person they were not pretty enough? They didn’t try hard enough? They had made too many mistakes? Unlovable, too big, too small, not doing well enough.

You’d be furious right?

Doesn’t it upset you?

Well, here’s the thing.

You are still that little person. And you still deserve love and patience and kindness.

You may have grown taller, become a little wiser (debatable I know) and experienced a bit more. But you are still the same bones, skin and soul.

When you are being too hard or unkind on yourself, vividly imagine little you.

See their little eyes, hair and outfit.

Look them in the eye.

I guarantee you will start being more gentle and more loving to yourself immediately.

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Let me know if you learnt anything, resonated with something or you have any thoughts on these lessons. I’d love to hear. And if you did like this piece — please remember to give it as many claps as your enthusiasm can take!

Thank you so much for reading. Have a peaceful and happy week – and take it easy on yourself if your week is tougher than you’d hoped.

With love,

Melissa 💙