12 Ways to Actually Help Someone with Depression
- Nov 6, 2017
- 4 min read
During World Mental Health Day in October, I read the tweets, posts and articles with interest. Two recurring themes emerged. The first - less stigma. Hooray! We are getting somewhere and this is so, so brilliant. The second theme - a hell of a lot of 'TALK TO SOMEONE'. A lovely premise, and a well meaning one too. Unfortunately, I feel this completely misses some of the most difficult aspects of depression. The ability of the illness to make everything seem impossible and inevitably negative. The complete and utter lack of motivation to approach the simplest of tasks, where small things seem ginormous. And fear. Unbelievable fear. Combine these and you end up in a situation where 'talking to someone' is not quite as easy as it sounds.
I also noticed that there was no advice out there for the thousands and thousands of people who have someone suffering in their life. If you've never had a personal experience of depression before, it can be a really intimidating and scary position to be in. And even if you have, it is still so difficult to know what to say and do.
If we want those suffering to feel able to talk, we need to make sure people feel confident and comfortable in helping. We need to make sure we give people an understanding of this illness. We need to help them understand the good AND the bad (sometimes dangerous) ways to approach helping those with depression.
So, instead of going online and moaning about this (we're all guilty of this far too often, aren't we?) I thought I'd put something out in the world to help people. I tried to ensure these were practical and specific tips with real insight into this illness.
It was scary. I doubted myself. I felt extremely vulnerable offering these insights. The messages and comments I received on Instagram and Twitter made all of these feelings absolutely worth it.
So, I thought it was about time I popped these in a blog post.
MY 12 TIPS:
1.
BE BRAVE. START THE CONVERSATION.
Please don't avoid talking to them.
This makes them feel like weird, scary monsters.
2.
YOU DON'T NEED TO GIVE ANY ADVICE.
You don't have to find the answers.
(People usually have all the answers inside themselves).
LISTEN & HUG. AND DO IT OFTEN.
The more you do it, the better you'll both feel.
3.
BE REALLY CAREFUL WITH COMPARISONS.
There is a difference between nerves before a presentation and diagnosed anxiety. There is a difference between having a bad day at work and experiencing clinical depression.
4.
IF THEY'VE MADE A SMALL STEP
like getting out of bed, going for a walk or calling the doctors
CONGRATULATE AND CELEBRATE THIS WITH THEM.
5.
GIVE PRACTICAL, FINANCIAL, LOGISTICAL OR ORGANISATIONAL HELP.
Help them tidy their house/room.
Make sure they have food in.
Help them sort out their bills.
Call their bank/work/gas company.
Make sure they've done some laundry.
EVERYDAY JOBS CAN FEEL LIKE MOUNTAINS TO CLIMB.
HELP THEM UP THE MOUNTAIN!
6.
They are unlikely to willingly go out and socialise.
And very likely to cancel plans.
GO TO VISIT THEM.
Extra Tip: Give them half an hours notice. This is enough time for them to mentally prepare but not long enough to fuel overthinking.
7.
READ, WATCH & LISTEN TO OTHER PEOPLE'S ACCOUNTS OF DEPRESSION.
Sometimes it may be really hard for them to explain how they feel. There's also a good chance they feel frightened, ashamed or nervous to tell you the true extent of their state of mind.
This will really help you to understand how it works.
by Matt Haig and
are good places to start.
8.
DON'T WAIT FOR THEM TO TALK.
Not certain if someone is suffering?
But they're acting differently?
ASK THEM HOW THEY ARE.
MAKE SURE IT'S A PRIVATE, COMFORTABLE, SAFE PLACE AND TIME.
E.g. Not in passing and not in a packed pub.
9.
KEEP YOUR CONVERSATIONS CONFIDENTIAL.
They MUST trust you.
Reassure them that this is what you will always do.
If you need to share it - always tell them first.
10.
DO NOT SEND, SAY OR REPEAT QUOTES.
that you've read on the internet. Ever.
This includes things that sound like they could be put on a pretty background and stuck on Pinterest.
It's patronising and meaningless and often oversimplifies a complex problem.
11.
ASK THEIR OTHER LOVED ONES TO PROVIDE SUPPORT TOO.
They are most likely avoiding do so.
This is really hurtful for the person who is poorly.
It will also ensure you are sharing the support-giving with someone else.
12.
REMIND THEM OFTEN THAT:
• you want to take care of them.
• they're important.
• you love them, indefinitely.
If you suffer from depression, please feel free to share this post with loved ones.
If you are supporting someone with depression, I hope you found this useful. You are a wonderful person for wanting to learn how to help.
If you are neither of the above, thank you. You will help now or in the future to make this world a place where mental health problems aren't avoided or feared.
I'd love to hear your thoughts. And I will always try to answer questions or help in any way I can. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
Take care,
Melissa
♥
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