Don’t ask people with depression to talk, unless you’re prepared to listen.

We’ve got really good at telling people with mental health problems to talk. Especially through social media. People will happily, and often thoughtlessly, retweet or share posts encouraging people to “reach out” without considering what this means.

If you are asking them to talk, you need to be prepared to listen. (Please re-read that as many times as needed until you really, really process it.)

A not-so-shocking fact: If you’re asking them to discuss how they feel, it probably isn’t going to be sunshine, roses and dancing on tables.

It’s probably going to be hard to hear. Especially from someone you love or care about.

But here’s the thing. Your discomfort at hearing those words is a fraction of what it’s like for them to physically feel and experience them. To live with them.

The reality of this ‘talk to someone’ social media trend is this: People feel uncomfortable with what they hear. So they pretend they didn’t hear it, ignore it, sweep it under the carpet.

And guess what happens? That person with mental health problems feels stupid. Isolated. Guilty. Worryingly, they are much less likely to open up again.

This also happens when someone has been brave enough to simply tell you that they have a mental health problem – and you never acknowledge it again. Never ask how they are or how their recovery is going.

We all know someone with a mental health problem. Our society is now built in such a way that they are becoming more and more common. You may feel invincible at this moment in time, but mental health problems have this sneaky way of appearing in your life, unexpectedly drowning you in emotions that you are neither prepared for, or that have any correlation with the current circumstances of your life. You may have just had a promotion, be swimming in money, have found the love of your life and an excellent social life. They don’t care for those external reasonings. It could be any of us. At any time. Give the support you would hope to receive.

With that in mind, as a society we all have a responsibility to learn how to LISTEN and how to respond to those with mental health problems. As many of us are aware, the funding and resources for mental health have been cut to the bone and so the difference you have the power to make is huge.

If you would like to start learning how to support those you care about, a good place to start is the charity Mind. Their website has downloadable leaflets to support you in supporting others as well as specific support according to the particular illness.

If you have no previous experience of depression, it would be really helpful to read Matt Haig’s book ‘Reasons to Stay Alive’. This will help you understand the magnitude of emotions people feel under the effects of this illness.

If you prefer practical advice, you can read my blog post ‘12 Practical Ways to Actually Help Someone with Depression’. There you will find 12 ways you can actively help, that you many never have considered before and which can provide enormous support.

To clarify – please don’t actively send out signals or messages for people to talk to you if you’re not prepared to listen. It’s ignorant at best and dangerous at worst. Talking is such a positive thing for people with mental health problems and DOES make such a ginormous difference. In fact, it saves people. Every, single day.

To anyone suffering – please don’t be disheartened if the response you get isn’t a supportive one. Remember that it is because people are frightened and afraid and not because they don’t care. Don’t stop talking. You will often find support from the most unexpected places and people.

A huge, heartfelt thank you to anyone who is trying their best to support someone fighting this illness. It’s difficult, ugly and at times feels hopeless. Please keep trying. You are making more difference than you know.

Melissa ❤️

#MentalHealth