A Letter to Anyone Recently Diagnosed with Depression

Hello fellow human being.

First of all, you need to congratulate yourself. You’re here on the internet choosing to read something which could help. Which means you’re taking care of yourself. That is so important right now. And you should be proud of that.

TINY STEPS

I know the days are painful to get through at the moment. Take it one tiny step at a time. One minute, one hour, one day at a time. Try not to overwhelm yourself. Focus on doing one tiny task with all the focus you can find, and try your hardest (and I know it’s hard) to block out the rest.

If you start to think of everything beyond getting out of bed, it seems scary doesn’t it? So focus in on getting out of bed and how you will do that. Once you’re up, you may decide to drink some water. Focus on what you need to do to do that — get to the kitchen, find a clean glass, drink. And then you can think about the next thing. There is no shame in baby steps right now.

LITTLE YOU

Find a photo of your younger self. At toddler age or thereabouts. And remind yourself that you are still that same person, with the same eyes and the same brain and the same soul.

How would you treat and talk to that little person?

Would you wrap them in a blanket to watch their favourite film and take them out for some fresh air later? Or would you force them out in the world all day into situations that make them stressed and afraid?

Would you feed them?

And what with? Healthy, nourishing foods? Or would you insist they didn’t need it, and starve them of goodness?

Talk to yourself in the same way you would your little self. Guide them, reassure them, protect them.

Be immensely kind to yourself, as kind as you would be to little you.

RECEIVING SUPPORT

People are going to be afraid. They’re not going to know the right thing to say or do and so there’s a chance they will do nothing at all. I know this is hurtful. I know you so desperately want and need their love right now.

Wait for a moment when you’re feeling the tiniest bit stronger and clearer, and try to write down what you need from them. Be specific. What are you finding difficult right now? Are you finding managing your bills difficult, for example?

Ask someone you trust and love to help you. Suggest a time and place and tell them (if you can) what would be really helpful for them to do. They will appreciate being practically helpful. They will be relieved to know what they can do to support you.

You are not a burden. You are not a nuisance. You deserve support. If the tables were turned, would you help them if they reached out? Of course. And so will they.

NOTICING

Every night, when your head hits the pillow (or if you’ve been there all day, it’s okay. Do this later on in the evening, when you would usually choose to sleep) think of three positive moments from today. Force back against the nasty work your brain is doing — insist on finding those three things.

You can’t move mountains right now, and don’t you dare be mean on yourself by expecting that. If little you was feeling sad and poorly — would you do that? Look for the small things. Celebrate them in your mind. Did you shower? Did you give your pet a cuddle? Did you put a load of washing on? Did you seek out materials on the internet to help you? (Hooray, that’s number one for today already sorted!). Did you enjoy a song on the radio? Did you notice the sun shining? Did something on the TV make you laugh?

Find the little moments in today if you can.

BOUNDARIES

A reminder: You don’t have to talk, do, watch, be anywhere that you don’t want to be. It is okay to prioritise your health right now.

When we are poorly, we need rest. We need to focus on getting well. You do not have to feel bad for that. Set your boundaries, unapologetically. At work, at home, in your relationships and with yourself. If it helps, imagine what you would do to protect and take care of mini you. And do it.

This is your permission.

EXPERIENCING

Please remember that depression is not you. It is not your identity. It does not live permanently inside of you. It is something you are experiencing, and not your being. Acknowledge this separation. Let the feelings come with the knowledge that they may come, but they will go. You may be living alongside them now, but you didn’t always exist with them— and you won’t always have to in the future.

Everything you are is still right there within you.

BUILDING

Right now, it’s all about being gentle and kind to yourself. When you feel loved and cared for, especially by yourself, you’re going to build up strength. When that strength starts to come (which I promise, it will) you can start to build from there. You can start to face the world and seek out those ways, habits, environments and things which will form your individual road to recovery.

For now, start from the inside. Start with care, love and patience for yourself. You deserve it from yourself more than ever.

There are better, stronger, clearer days coming.

With love and strength,

Melissa

#SelfCare #MentalHealth